{journal six}

I went and saw the movie Easy A this weekend with my sister. Yes, it's a chick flick. Yes, I liked it. Don't judge me.

Anyway, I think the message of the movie 'good girl gone bad girl' is a great example of the 'bad girl' image we talked about in class. Here's a little preview of the movie:

We've got dark lipstick, provocative clothing, heels and scandalous behavior.  We've got ourselves a bad girl.  I know I could have found a billion movie clips that show bad girls being well, bad girls; but I chose this one because it shows the evolution of good girl to bad girl.  It shows that maybe we all have a little bad girl in us?

Here are a few examples of modern day bad girls in pop culture.  They smoke, wear black clothing and sky high heels, don't give a damn and are smokin' hot...the perfect bad girl.

Megan Fox

Actress -- mostly roles where she is the sexy bad girl

Taylor Momsen

Gossip Girl actress

Rocker

All around "Bad Ass"

Courtney Love

The original bad girl

I think that the girl girl vs. bad girl saga will always be prevalent in our society.  Bad girls are the ones guys fantasize about, good girls are the ones they bring home to mom and dad.  Bad girls are the mysterious, unstable, crazy lovers; good girls are the steady girlfriends because they don't have tons of issues...at least not on the surface.  I think deep down, good girls have a part of them that really are secret bad girls.  And maybe once and a while they let their closet bad girl come out and play.

{journal five}

I think the Cult of True Womanhood (CTW) is alive and well in our modern day society. I think among the working mothers and stay at home dads, there are individual families, groups and entire movements purpose is to preserve "true" womanhood. By true womanhood, I mean women placing their life ambitions on that of their husband, children and household. And that their sole purpose in life it to please their husband, procreate children and maintain a pleasant household.  Additionally, these characteristics go hand-in-hand with being extremely religious. Another attribute is purity -- being pure before marriage, during marriage and raising your children in a pure household.

Does this all sound familiar?
PIETY -- check
PURITY -- check
DOMESTICITY -- check
SUBMISSION --check

Yes, folks.  The cult of true womanhood still lives and breathes.

I think the show 19 Kids and Counting is a great example of the cult of true womanhood.  If you haven't seen the show before, here's a little recap:

• Jim Bob and Michelle have 19 children.
• They believe that God will bless them with as many children as He deems fit.  Therefore they do not use contraceptives, except for abstaining from sex for six weeks after a child is born (hence why they have some kids that are 13 months apart).
• They are all home schooled, the boys learn 'boy' skills and the girls learn 'girl' skills (in addition to reading, Bible studies, math and art).
• The girls all wear long skirts and have long hair.  The boys all look like Richie Cunningham from Happy Days.
• They only date people of the opposite sex, that share their same moral values.  And all their dates are supervised.
• Jim Bob Duggar says that woman should be treated like queens, while Michelle Duggar views J.B. as the decision-maker, breadwinner and all around ruler of the roost.
• The children are exposed to very limited T.V. and Internet.
• The girls seem to strive for marriage and procreating.  There isn't much talk about college and careers.  It's mostly about finding a husband that has a good career and can take care of you.

At the same time though, Michelle Duggar does make the decisions for the house.  She oversees things and manages everyone; much like we discussed in the cult of true womanhood.  Often women would be the keeper of the checkbook and oversee the family money, even though on the outside, it was the man who ruled everything.

This first clip is an interview with Michelle and J.B. about God blessing them with as many children as He deems fit:

And this second clip gives a good example of how the girls and boys grow up learning different activities and striving for different goals.  This also shows that the Duggars are not alone in the type of family movement:

*I'd also like to point out that their 19th child, Josie, was born at 25 weeks in December 2009.  She was just now released from the hospital, after having multiple surgeries and weighing 1 pound at birth.  Michelle got pregnant with Josie 4 months after she had just given birth to her 18th child.  J.B. and Michelle have been quoted in interviews saying that they'd love more children after Josie, if God wants to give them more children.  Did it every occur to anyone that maybe Josie was born so premature because Michelle's body's ability to carry a fetus to term was hindered because she had delivered so many children?  And her body hadn't even recovered from the previous one before she got pregnant with Josie?  Now, that could have nothing to do with why she was premature.  I think it is important, however, to address this issue, because there is a fine line between "God's will" and endangering the lives of your children.

{journal four}

I was hesitant to post about this because it's someone I know in real life, but I feel the topic is so relevant to this class, that it needs to be put out there.

I've lived in my particular home for about a year and half, and my landlord (a woman), takes care of the maintenance on the house.  She stops by from time to time to check things out and makes sure everything is okay.  My landlord is a lesbian.  We're all totally cool with this, my roommates and I.  My landlord only refers to her significant other as 'her spouse'.  Never 'oh my wife' or calls her by name.  The only way we found out her name (or that she was a woman, therefore making my landlord a lesbian) was that she came over to fix a leaky faucet a few months after we moved in.  Now, maybe my landlord didn't want us to know she was a lesbian.  Or maybe it's simply the way she refers to her relationship in public.  But obviously she knows that we know that her significant other is a woman, because she sent her over to our house to fix something.  But still, without fail, she calls her 'her spouse'.  It really isn't any of my business, it just makes me wonder what her reasons are for doing so.

That wasn't the original reason for bringing up my landlord, I got distracted and went off on a tangent, which often happens.  Anyway, my landlord and her spouse have an adopted child.  Their adopted child is biologically male, but in some form or another has an outward appearance of female.  Notice I'm very careful not to say that he acts like a female/wants to be a female, because maybe his gender identity or gender presentation differs from his perceived gender identity (yes yes, I pay attention in class!).  I've only encountered their child a few times, but whenever I have, they are in female-like clothing, with eye shadow and lipgloss on, and a pixie like haircut.  So, the reason I bring this up -- My landlord and her spouse have been having a lot of issues with their child, mental health issues.  I don't know if this stems from the gender identity issues, or from something else.  But it's enough to make them unable to come to the house often, or pretty much ever.  Several times my landlord has mentioned their problems to me though.  But every time, she refers to their child as "my child."  She did this when we moved in as well, when her child was standing right there.  She introduced them as "her child," and their name is gender neutral so that wasn't a hint either.  

The point I'm getting at is that it makes it difficult for us to figure out what pronoun to use when referring to our landlord's child because we have no idea what he or she prefers to be called.  Because their mother purposely doesn't use pronouns, we can't figure out the 'true' gender identity of her child.  I understand that this may be intentional, but it makes outsiders uncomfortable because we're unable to address the child in a more personal manner.  Even when asking about how her child is doing, I have to ask "how is your child?" instead of a more personal "how is your daughter/son doing?"

This all refers back to a conversation we had at the beginning of the semester.  About how gender blenders and/or benders dance on this border between male and female characteristics, sometimes making it very difficult for others to distinguish their correct gender identity.  And how sometimes, these people intentionally don't let on to what gender identity they prefer, for whatever reason.  It makes it difficult for others to connect with my landlord's child because they can't put a personifier on him or her. This can make people very uncomfortable.  And maybe it's a situation where they specifically don't want to subscribe to a particular gender.  And if that's what they want, then the rest of us will just have to get use to gender neutral terms.

It's all very much in the grey zone.  Gender identity, gender presentation and perceived gender identity don't all fit into need little boxes, with each one agreeing with the others.  They blur lines, mess each other up, cause miscommunications and confuse outsiders.

This video doesn't actually have anything to do with the above topic.
But this is what I think of whenever I say "the landlord."
...enjoy.
The Landlord--featuring Will Ferrell and Pearl the landlord (aka Will's daughter)

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

{journal three}

Am I a bad feminist?

Why do I ask this?  Well, I've considered myself a feminist for quite some time.  In fact, my conservative, Fox News loving father (whom I love dearly), loves to sigh and say "oh you liberal feminist hippie" when I disagree with him about something.  Anything, really.  It doesn't even have to do with gender issues.  I feel passionate about the empowerment and advancement of women (both naturally born women, and those that now call themselves women).  I firmly believe that a woman can "have it all" (a successful career and a family, etc.).  I get angry when I hear cases of glass ceilings or women being labeled as on the "mommy career path."

I get especially angry when I read articles like "The Cult of True Womanhood" or hear men say things like "a woman's place is in the kitchen."  It frustrates me when women go to college to simply get a MRS. degree (i.e. find a husband).

But do you want to know my deep dark secret?

...I get really excited thinking about planning future Thanksgiving meals for my family

...or decorating my first house

...or envisioning maybe not having to work one day and staying home with my kids

...or being proudly at my husband's side when he gets a promotion/wins a weekend soccer game/etc. 

My inner feminist gets really angry when I think these things...why must there be such turmoil in my mind?!

I think there is an inner conflict going on in the minds of many young/successful/educated/feminist-thinking women.  We think the "cult of true womanhood" is crap.  Except, sometimes we think some of the aspects or characteristics that go along with it are intriguing.  Or they just seem to fit into how we envision our future (and we like them in those thoughts).  And then we envision other feminists running after us with torches and wooden stakes.

Can we have both?  Can we fight for the rights of women while still maintaining some of the traditions that go along with womanhood?  Who decides whether or not those traditions are "acceptable" for an empowered woman, and which ones bring her down?  I suppose it's in the eye of the beholder.  To one person, you may be a respectful small business owner who loves being crafty with her kids.  To another person, you may have given up your dreams of growing your small business because you were too busy hanging out with your kids and making decorations for your home.  

I also think a lot of it is within yourself.  It is up to you to decide which label (if any) you're going to wear.  Yes, I believe in the empowerment of women.  Yes, I believe that women can have successful careers.  And yes, I believe it is okay for women to want to be domestic.  Yes, I think it's okay for women to want to focus on raising young babies for a little while and take some time off of work.  And I think you can do all of those things and still stand up in the name of women.  And I think you should be applauded for it.  Because really, us women can do whatever the heck we want, we've earned the right to work, create, procreate, cook, decorate, lead, invent, whatever.  I am woman, hear me roar.

{journal two}

During the first week of readings for the class, we read an article about the Chinese culture and traditional family obligations.  In that culture, it is simply understood that once parents reach a certain age, or if one becomes ill or dies, the daughter in the family drops everything to care for the remaining and/or sick parent(s).

I know that in other cultures this is also prevalent.  My grandmother has dementia and lives with a really sweet Romanian couple in Houston.  This couple moved here several years ago, and were trained in caring for elderly patients and running homes for them.  They have a special touch with older people, and have the ability to take care of them the way some others cannot.  The woman's mother back in Romania became ill recently.  She dropped everything to figure out a way to get her mother to the states, in order for her mom to come live in Houston with her.  I was talking to her the last time I went to visit my grandmother about the situation.  She said that in the Romanian culture, it is known that it is the daughter in the family's responsibility to care for sickly parents.  And if there is more than one daughter in the family, the responsibility is shared between them, but not so among the sons.

I find it interesting that American culture is not very much like that.  I mean yes, you find many elderly parents living with their sons and daughters' families.  But if that was a staple of our culture, nursing homes and assisted living facilities wouldn't really prosper here...yet they are everywhere.

My mother passed away unexpectedly this past December (2009).  And while my dad is by no means elderly, he was very dependent on my mom for things like taking care of the bills, his medicine, basic life functions, etc. (he's a bit of a scatter brain).  My sister is in high school, and while she is very mature for her age, she is still very dependent on others.  Right after her death, I felt like maybe I should take a semester or two off from graduate school and stay home to try to straighten things out.  Our finances, paperwork, home, everything was in shambles because her and her alone took responsibility for those things.  I thought that it was my responsibility as the oldest child (and to be honest compared to my dad the more stable adult) to take care of things.

But when I expressed my feelings/concerns with other family members, they simply stared in disbelief.  "Drop out of school? Move back home? What?!"  Most of this resistance came from my dad, who has always been my biggest supporter in terms of continuing my education.  The thought simply never occurred to anyone that I should stay home to help take care of things.  That doesn't happen all the time in the American culture.  Or at least it doesn't happen in my family.  I think the only person who might resent my decision is my sister.  And that is only because she now has taken on a whole new level of responsibility at home.  For example, she makes sure my dad has all his medicines, makes sure he doesn't leave the ice cream carton out on the counter before he goes to bed (this happens frequently), etc.  We are still trying to find a good balance.  I go back to Houston a lot to help out, and we are all trying to be very open and honest with each other in order to get through this.

But I wonder why family ties are so incredibly strong in some cultures, and not so much in others.  Now that isn't to say that I wouldn't have stayed at home if my family wanted/needed me to.  And that's also not to say that no one in the American culture cares about their parents.  It just seems that other cultures expect grown children to take care of and welcome their parents in whatever way possible, and that's just the way it is, no matter the circumstances.

{journal one}

So, I have a guilty pleasure.  I watch Teen Mom, every. single. week.  Yes, I am a well educated woman, but I need a little trash-like television to wind down at the end of a long day, don't judge me.  As much as some of the content on the show makes me cringe, I think some of it is a good representation of how a) having a child changes a girl/woman's life (more so than the father of that child) and b) how it is possible for teenage mothers to go on to lead fulfilling and successful lives.

One thing that really bothers me about the show is the PSA that always comes on halfway through.  The PSA is of Bristal Palin and her baby.  The overall message of the PSA is that she would have a really hard time raising her child if she wasn't rich/famous and have people to help her.  The end result is her in a dirty, empty room, wearing ratty clothes while her baby walks around aimlessly.  I feel this produces the message that without a lot of money and a famous mom, teenagers/young women will live in awful conditions and live miserable lives if they end up having a child.  I've added the PSA for your viewing pleasure.

I just feel that playing this PSA during this particular show is counter productive to the show's message.  Not one of the girls on the show has it easy, like Bristol Palin does.  Granted, some are smarter, work harder and are better mothers than others on the show, but they all struggle for what they have.

I also find it interesting that while the show does promote using contraceptives such as condoms and birth control, the PSA promotes no such thing.  It's motto is simply "pause before you play," which leads me to believe this is an abstinence only promotion.

And in case you haven't ever seen Teen Mom, here's a little montage of the previous season: