I was hesitant to post about this because it's someone I know in real life, but I feel the topic is so relevant to this class, that it needs to be put out there.
I've lived in my particular home for about a year and half, and my landlord (a woman), takes care of the maintenance on the house. She stops by from time to time to check things out and makes sure everything is okay. My landlord is a lesbian. We're all totally cool with this, my roommates and I. My landlord only refers to her significant other as 'her spouse'. Never 'oh my wife' or calls her by name. The only way we found out her name (or that she was a woman, therefore making my landlord a lesbian) was that she came over to fix a leaky faucet a few months after we moved in. Now, maybe my landlord didn't want us to know she was a lesbian. Or maybe it's simply the way she refers to her relationship in public. But obviously she knows that we know that her significant other is a woman, because she sent her over to our house to fix something. But still, without fail, she calls her 'her spouse'. It really isn't any of my business, it just makes me wonder what her reasons are for doing so.
That wasn't the original reason for bringing up my landlord, I got distracted and went off on a tangent, which often happens. Anyway, my landlord and her spouse have an adopted child. Their adopted child is biologically male, but in some form or another has an outward appearance of female. Notice I'm very careful not to say that he acts like a female/wants to be a female, because maybe his gender identity or gender presentation differs from his perceived gender identity (yes yes, I pay attention in class!). I've only encountered their child a few times, but whenever I have, they are in female-like clothing, with eye shadow and lipgloss on, and a pixie like haircut. So, the reason I bring this up -- My landlord and her spouse have been having a lot of issues with their child, mental health issues. I don't know if this stems from the gender identity issues, or from something else. But it's enough to make them unable to come to the house often, or pretty much ever. Several times my landlord has mentioned their problems to me though. But every time, she refers to their child as "my child." She did this when we moved in as well, when her child was standing right there. She introduced them as "her child," and their name is gender neutral so that wasn't a hint either.
The point I'm getting at is that it makes it difficult for us to figure out what pronoun to use when referring to our landlord's child because we have no idea what he or she prefers to be called. Because their mother purposely doesn't use pronouns, we can't figure out the 'true' gender identity of her child. I understand that this may be intentional, but it makes outsiders uncomfortable because we're unable to address the child in a more personal manner. Even when asking about how her child is doing, I have to ask "how is your child?" instead of a more personal "how is your daughter/son doing?"
This all refers back to a conversation we had at the beginning of the semester. About how gender blenders and/or benders dance on this border between male and female characteristics, sometimes making it very difficult for others to distinguish their correct gender identity. And how sometimes, these people intentionally don't let on to what gender identity they prefer, for whatever reason. It makes it difficult for others to connect with my landlord's child because they can't put a personifier on him or her. This can make people very uncomfortable. And maybe it's a situation where they specifically don't want to subscribe to a particular gender. And if that's what they want, then the rest of us will just have to get use to gender neutral terms.
It's all very much in the grey zone. Gender identity, gender presentation and perceived gender identity don't all fit into need little boxes, with each one agreeing with the others. They blur lines, mess each other up, cause miscommunications and confuse outsiders.
This video doesn't actually have anything to do with the above topic.
But this is what I think of whenever I say "the landlord."
...enjoy.
The Landlord--featuring Will Ferrell and Pearl the landlord (aka Will's daughter)
The Landlord from Will Ferrell
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